I got the funniest letter today, and I wanted to share it with you all.

It says: (and I really mean this one, not like that silly Willem Fell
letter a while back, that was a failed joke)

"Dear Fool,

I just want you to know I'm watching you. You shall be Killed many many
many many many times. Without a care in the world too, your a worthless
sack of flesh and I'm really looking forward to chopping of your head.
Good luck in your travels about the realm, stay clear of the spring if I
were you.

From your new Murderer"

Isn't that great? Here's a lesson though, Murderer Man. Your extraneous
capitalizations and hyperbolic repetition of the word "many" mark you as
the sort of child who'd not be able to find me, let alone harm me if you
did, let alone do me serious damage let alone catch me. So by my count,
you're at least four degrees of separation from Murdering me. Also, the
word is "off." Unless you meant to say you're "looking forward to a
chopping of my head," which is tortured enough grammar that you may well
have intended that, but in either case you're OFF the mark by a long
shot. Last but not least, I must take issue at your statement that you'd
do so without a care in the world. It took some doing to muster this
many words in a row for you, so I imagine you had to care a little bit.
Also, I must respectfully disagree with your appraisal of the value of
my flesh. I'm sure it'd be worth quite a bit, to the right people. So,
in short, I'll be sure to dread your merciless careless and above all
poorly worded death. At least, as long as I hang out at the Spring,
right? Must be the only place you can locate.

In Quaking Terror,
Harker

Penned by my hand on the 6th of Ultio, in the year 438 AD.