Yi and the Gum Gum Tree
By: Wren Caelis
(Dedicated to my friends Raekyi and Laurelei. Also to Saadyia, here is
your happy story! Enjoy.)
Once upon a time, there was a little lady named Yi who was the most
beautiful maiden in all of the land. One day, as she was walking along,
she came upon a Mushroom village. "How perfectly quaint," she thought as
she began to explore. She smiled as she wondered, "Where are all the
people that live here?" As if her thoughts had summoned someone, a dwarf
appeared before her and bowed.
"My name is Nerferder Beezbumzly. Won't you come with me, Yi? To the gum
gum tree!" And he bowed again most spectacularly. Giggling, Yi took the
little man's hand and they went to the tree. The tree was large and
sparkly with many a fairy's dust. You see, they would come from all
around to have weekend binges, became very intoxicated and would end up
falling from the tree, flying into it or simply flinging out the dust in
drunken joy. Nerferder tapped on the trunk of the tree and a door
opened. Intrigued, Yi willingly went with the little man and, hand in
hand, went inside the Gum Gum tree. There in the center of the room on a
golden stand was a single piece of gum, sprinkled generously with
special sugar.
"Take the gum, eat it and make a wish," the little man instructed. "Hey!
Why didn't you rhyme?" she asked. The little man looked at his little
feet, embarassed. "Erm well, um..." he stammered. "Just eat the gum
already!...eady..." So Yi took the gum, popped it into her mouth,
squealed with delight at the taste, closed her eyes tightly and thought
of her wish. When she opened her eyes, before her stood a beautiful
maiden named Fork. Yi gasped with joy. "Now I'm really glad I didn't
wish for a handsome prince or some such nonsense," giggled Yi.
"Come with me and we will be so very happy and I won't always be
silly..and use alliteration," proclaimed Fork. (It should be noted that
what Fork really meant was rhyming but she really didn't like
alliteration so she said that instead since, compared to rhyming, she
hated it much, much more) So hand in hand, Fork and Yi left. The dwarf
waved goodbye and leaned against the tree to play his violin that he had
been playing before he was so rudely interrupted by yet another pretty
girl that needed a gummy boost in life.
Yi and Fork were chatting amiably when they came upon a duck. To their
surprise (though it really shouldn't have been because this is a fairy
tale), the duck spoke! "I am a Duke that was turned into a duck. This is
a mess, quite a muck. Being in this state really does suck!" proclaimed
the frantic, feathery duck. The tender hearted Yi took pity on the
little white-downed duck and asked if there was anything that she could
possibly do to help. The duck nodded and waddled over to her. With a
wing, he motioned her down to whisper into her ear. "IMPOSSIBLE!" she
gasped when he was done and he sadly nodded. But, since anything is
possible in a fairy tale, the duck was emboldened by the promise of Yi's
adoration, especially if he was a RICH, handsome duke, and decided to
try the feat that would reverse the evil spell.
They all climbed to the top of the hill, the highest, tallest hill they
could find and waited for one of the full moons to arise. Once it was
low on the horizon, not yet peeking down at all the people in this
particular fairy tale and perhaps others, including a group of extremely
rowdy imps that sat on the tops of a few toadstools (what else would you
use toadstools for?) watching everything unfold while munching on honey
covered ants (YUM!), the duck took a mighty running start and with a
great flap of wings attempted to jump over the moon. Now, his best
friend, the duchess, was turned into a cow and did indeed attempt this
very same feat not many months before but it was rumored she didn't make
it. As the duck flew over, he looked down and saw her grazing on the
eyebrow of the man on the moon's face. He waved as he soared over and
landed on the other side of the moon. Everyone cheered, the imps laughed
uproariously, and as the ducks little webby feet touched down, he was
instantly transformed into a duke!
Yi and Fork ran over to see the duke but he ended up being a sixty year
old wrinkly guy with one wandering eye and crooked teeth. "You can't be
rich enough," quipped Yi and she took Fork and they ran off to her
kingdom together. Later, when things had settled down into a comfortable
"happily ever after" state, Yi called her scribes together and asked
them to record the story. Here is what they came up with:
Hey little diddle (the scribes were perverts)
The dwarf and the fiddle
The duck flied over the moon
The imps all laughed
To see such a dork
And the dish (that was Yi, remember that she is beautiful beyond
compare)
Ran away with her Fork.
It was said later that the dwarf sued Yi and her scribes for calling it
a fiddle when it was indeed a violin and for the simple matter of it
being the most stupid poem in all over Aetherius. He won his case, the
fairies (now sober) that handled his case having bribed the judge and
jury with gum from the gum gum tree. He bought the whole of the Mushroom
village and began a very successful business selling products made
special in his village which, for some reason were very addictive.
The End
Penned by my hand on the 24th of Solis, in the year 435 AD.
